Ok, so the title of my article is a bit overcharged-- but the fact is, I'm disturbed at the amount of negativity I hear within the Black community surrounding relationships and Black men.
I remember commenting on an Instagram page a few days ago. Apparently I struck a nerve with one of the followers, because all of a sudden a young Black women came at me like a bull dog, aggressively arguing her man-hating points and trying to convince me that I was delusional for having positive views of them. Here arguments were just tired repetitions of the same thing:
Black men don't lead
Black men are controlling
Black men don't protect Black women.
Black men need to be held accountable.
Black men don't marry Black women
I tried to talk to her rationally to understand how came to such bad conclusions, but early into the conversation I realized that she was just interested in stating her points and did not actually want to learn or be challenged.
The sad thing is, this is not the first time I've heard such toxicity within the Black community towards men.
The amount of televisions shows, interviews, late night specials and sitcoms that center around this idea of "where are all the good men?" and "all the good, successful Black men marry non-black women," creates this false narrative within the Black community.
I mean don't get me wrong, I fundamentally believe that people should have the freedom and choice to date, love and choose whoever they want to, whether they are the same ethnicity or not. I truly wish we were in a place in society where we could see people the way God sees them, not according to man made classifications but according to godly classifications that unify and heal.
But within the racist construct of American society, that still maintains a system of oppression economically, socially and constitutionally, the issue of race and how it affects our romantic choices can not be overlooked. In fact, many times it is consciously or subconsciously weaved into the ways we make choices about our partners. We see this in the ways couples are portrayed on television and different media outlets. So there are real social implications to dating somebody of the same ethnicity and there are implications of dating someone of a different ethnicity.
The issue I have with these lies about Black Men is two-fold. One, the lies are simply not true when you examine the stats. But more importantly, it's damaging to the psychology of men and women. It gives Black women a reason to disrespect men who are immediately within their community, making them feel rejected consciously or subconsciously. It also makes many men feel disrespected by the women around them. On a psychological level, if a Black women feels unwanted within the Black community, and Black men feel disrespected, what healthy families can be created?
And we wonder why there is such damage within the Black community.
Why wonder why Black Women are the least likely to marry
We wonder why there is such passionate debates around Colorism, Featurism and Texturism
We wonder why single parent households are such a common theme.
So here are a few facts to debunk any myths about relationships and marriages between two Black individuals.
85% of Black Men Marry Black Women
70% of Black Men with College Degrees Marry Black Women
83% of Black Men who make 6 figures or more marry Black Women.
That fact is, Black men are willing to date and marry Black women at a high percentage.
My goal is to expose any lies or misconceptions that could lead to further damage within the Black community. There are enough challenges to deal with already, but order to begin the heal process, we must make sure we are dealing with facts and not lies and misconceptions.
Have any thoughts to share? Feel free to leave any feedback in the comments section. Don't forget to sign up for my email and follow me on social media if you haven't already done so.