I recently sat down with  @Itgirls_online to discuss colorism on her weekly podcast.We went over the different ways  colorism affects  men and women today and answered the following questions:

1. What is colorism?
   
2. What's the most colorist experience you had and how did it make you feel?
   
3. Does colorism affect men and women?
   
4. How should we address or handle colorism personally?
   
5. How does one achieve self-acceptance in the mist of a colorist society? 

Check out the full interview of the Podcast here or visit my Instagram page for a rerun of the live recording. 

Have any thoughts to share on the topic? Leave your comments, feedback or questions in the comments section below.

Thanks and talk soon!
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I felt like I shouldn't be so emotional and that I should have more control of my situation. 

I remember sitting in my bed sulking in my feelings--in and out of troubled prayers. And then mid-sentence, I felt a sense of overwhelming peace and the voice of God speak to my heart. It was exactly what I needed to hear, and it simply said:

 You have permission.

You have permission to not be perfect.

You have permission to fret when things don't go your way.

You have permission to feel weak.

You have permission to feel vulnerable. 

You have permission to not know it all. 

You have permission to feel afraid and empowered at the same time. To have moments of both doubt and fear--you have permission.

You have permission to be yourself, in the fullness of what it is--no matter how broken it may be --you have permission.

You have permission to feel weak, and to be overwhelmed by not having the answer.

You have permission to cry.

You have permission to laugh.

You have permission to weep when words fail you.

You have permission to celebrate just for seeing another day. 

You have permission to be human.

You have permission to be. 

So just be. 

Wherever you are at in your journey, I hope you are encouraged to know that feeling weak and out of control is actually the best place to be. It's in that place that Divinity shines His light and love on our human condition. This light reveals the power of Christ to heal, restore, guide and transform.

Rarely does this happen instantaneously, but with each passing day we get the chance to experience supernatural communication with God as we navigate life  with God on our side. Assurance of that brings great peace--even when things don't go as planned. 

This peace and power is available to all who desire to experience the reality of Christ who is the source of true Love. All it takes is simple faith and trust in Him. If you are reading this post, I pray the the light of God shine on your heart, and give you the freedom to "just be," fully, freely and abundantly.

Twerking represents the sexual freedom modern women enjoy.   
We see ladies all around expressing their femininity through sensuality, and it's totally acceptable to find women--especially  women of color--twerking whenever and wherever they feel the urge.

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Twerking at Walmart
Twerking at Restaurants
Twerking on Coffins
Twerking at Stadiums

And now one of the latest statements--Twerking at Washington.
I've honestly never thought much about twerking.
But when Black Lives Matter promoted a Twerking at Washington compilation in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I had to pause. Is this really what the Civil Rights Movement was about--booty shaking? Are African Americans achieving freedom through their sensuality, or are we simply playing into an old stereotype?

​THE RESPONSE

It didn't seem like the black community appreciated the twerking video. 
It received a flurry of negative remarks that berated Black Lives Matter for steeping so low. But may seem like a lapse in judgement speaks to a deeper sickness that plagues the black community today--THOT culture. 

ARE WE BEING CELEBRATED OR DEGRADED?

Singer and Songwriter Jim Morrison once said, " whoever controls the media controls the mind."  90% of media today is owned by only 6 major companies.  There are Black-centered programs, TV shows, magazines and news outlets, but Black people still don't own or run Black media. 

They have little to no control over how they are portrayed.
They have little control over who is promoted.
So when we see Black women being praised for their hyper-sexuality--Meg the Stallion, Mulatto, Sukihana, Cardi B., Nicki Minaj, Lil Kim, Lizzo--what we forget is that were playing into a  common trope.  Sexualization of black people stems back to slavery but it still exists now.   

The Black women who entertained musically and sexually on plantations are still here. They made a lot of money for their master then, and they make a lot of money for the record labels that exploit them today. 

The enslaved women who birthed child workers on breeding farms are alive today. Impoverished single mothers who bare more kids than affordable, have a good portion of their children coparented by Prisons-- a system that willingly takes people in for free labor. 
Although we see tokens of success—Kamala Harris, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry, Steve Harvey, Shonda Rhymes— their success creates an allusion of progress for the black community.  These highly successful individuals give African Americans a hope of achieving the "American Dream." But what we still don't see is actual material improvement for Black communities, Black commerce, Black wealth or beauty standards that make women of color feel accepted.

Whether or not we recognize it, the tropes that were active during the Civil War, are still active. African Americans have yet to reach the freedom that Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of, so we can not conflate the ability to twerk, with social progress.

Still don't believe me? Let’s look at the stats:

*A typical white family has 8 times the wealth of a black family and 5 times the wealth of a typical Latino family. 
*African American women are imprisoned twice as much as  white women.
*African Americans are incarcerated at more than 5 times the rate of whites.
*In 2016 only 29% of African Americans were married compared to 48% of all Americans. 
*50% of African Americans have never been married compared to 33% of all Americans.
*After the civil war African Americans held 0.05% of national wealth. Today they only hold 1.5% of all  national wealth.
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Let's not be fooled, there is still work to do.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

​Every woman has the freedom and right to express themselves, but we get into serious trouble when we look to pop culture to determine our worth and value. The issue is worst for black people, because the messages being portrayed about African Americans are for their demise. 

So then how do people of color gain a healthy sense of self worth and learn to thrive in a society that is against them? In my following article I'll share my personal beliefs on the ways people of color can  progress despite a society that is against them. 

In the meantime, leave your thoughts and comments below, and stay tuned for upcoming articles that are dropping next week. Be sure to follow me on social media for the latest updates, and sign up for my weekly email so you never miss an article. Talk soon!

 I quickly dismissed his response as cynical, but as 2020 rolled around, police brutality raged, protests and marches for Black lives grew in masses, I thought back to his earlier question and wondered if we really had made progress?

And then a series of disturbing questions flooded me:

Are black women starved for acceptance? Are they so used to being rejected  they’ll happily accept whatever crumbs are thrown their way? Do white women feel a pressure to compete or to maintain whatever standards are in their favor? Or do all women feel the burden to live up to beauty standards that are hard to reach?

MY THOUGHTS

In my previous article here, I discussed how and why I believe White Women are still the standard of beauty in American culture. We see a societal push for acceptance through movements like #BodyPositivity, but what is or is not considered conventionally beautiful is still based upon a Eurocentric matrix. 

But race aside, many women struggle with their appearance no matter who they are or what there ethnicity is.  Psychological studies suggest that an intense focus on body image leads to personal dissatisfaction, low self esteem and unhealthy behaviors. 

Even supermodels mentally crack under the pressure of needing to appear  perfect.

Supermodel Bella Hadid opened up about her struggle with depression despite her incredible life. 

An article by People magazine focused on anxiety among various models like Kendall Jenner who battles high levels of psychological distress. 

Psychology Today examined the stunning rate of mental disorders models experience due to  pressure and frequent exploitation.

So, if even the prettiest women in society aren't achieving happiness through their outward beauty and the lavish lifestyle it affords, why would anyone think they could do the same?

Why live under the pressure of measuring up to an allusion that never produces longterm happiness?

IT'S ALL MEANINGLESS

One of my favorite experts comes from an ancient passage in the Book of Ecclesiastes:

Meaningless, Meaningless, says the teacher, everything is meaningless.
What do people gain for all of the labor at which they labor under the sun?...No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them.

This passage reminds me that most things we value and stress about in society don't really lead to satisfaction.

It doesn't have the ability to produce or positively affect a persons state of being.

FINDING PEACE

I am the least content when I focus on competing with others, measuring up to unspoken expectations or comparing myself with someone else. 

I am the most at peace when I remember how meaningless these things are--and focus on a power greater than myself.

It was not until I encountered God through the power of Christ that I started to recognize that my spiritual life holds much more value and power than anything I might seek in society.

As spiritual beings, we are the most content when we are nourishing, building and living out our inner life,  not when our bodies define who we are. 

And while I am still guilty of  looking in the mirror a little longer than needed, I recognize that my appearance will never make me happy with myself or give me psychological peace. 

Yes--as a woman I am judged by appearance and I don't expect society to change anytime soon.
I also believe maintaining your health,  keeping an active lifestyle and  dressing in clothes you enjoy have value--to a point.

But again, none of these things ensure a person's happiness or provide internal stability.

The God who created me is the only One who truly has the capability of defining and establishing my intrinsic value and identity as a women. 

Each human being is made unique--on purpose! But society is hellbent on forcing people into molds they don't fit. 

The pressure to conform or fit into boxes is so great it's almost suffocating, but life with God through a relationship with Christ gives a person the freedom and the ability to live out their true life, freely and peacefully. 

I am no where near the point of mastering self acceptance, but each day provides me the opportunity to disconnect from all allusions and reconnect with peace through a spiritual connection with God.

The more I am able to make this transition the more I experience a peace that is far beyond the high of a couple thousand Instagram likes. 

And I am convinced that finding contentment through God is the smarter and happier choice. 

Do you feel the pressure do succumb to unrealistic beauty standards? What ways do you coupe or try to overcome your struggle? Leave your comments below and follow me on social media to join the conversation! 

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